Working On It

Resolutions.

They really should be called bummers because I’ve yet to meet one person who has kept theirs and I really wish I wasn’t among those who I’m blaming of being flakes.

So, I decided this year I would make a list of things I’m not resolving to do, change, loose, gain or revolutionize in my life. Instead I decided to make a list of things I want to work on this 2018 year. So here it goes:

  1. This blog
  2. Being present
  3. Communication in my marriage
  4. Loving my people
  5. Patience

This blog….it’s a sweet space for me to get my heart out and capture it for both my own good and any reader who cares to pass by and scan through my musings. I think it’s one of the most fun hobbies I’ve ever had and sort of stuck to. I’m loving cooking through Deb’s cookbook and I can’t wait to see how many recipes I get through in the new year!

Being present. There are so many things that capture my attention and pull me away from the life I’m living. Social media is the biggest black hole that I dump my life into and allow things to just pass me by without experiencing them. I’ve seen a lot of people saying good-bye to social media for good in the new year or even just for the month of January so I see the trap it can be for people other then myself and surely for all kinds of reasons. So, I think I commit to working on my presence with others and giving them the gift of my eyes and ears and presence.

Communication in my marriage…this is a specific something my husband and I have been fasting and praying over this past month because we’ve noticed how toxic some areas of our relationship have been and how they have broken down what seems like unrelated areas somewhere else in our relationship. The tie that seems to connect all those things is communication…communication full of assumptions, communication break downs, lack of communication or silence and all of these things seem to be a part of what’s breaking us as a team and causing division. We’ve identified a power struggle in our relationship during this month of fasting. We’ve spent time stopping to ask ourselves and each other questions about specific areas we’ve noticed feel undone and broken and in doing that we have come to recognize what the real struggles are. We don’t want to continue living under false beliefs of what we both assume the problem is…and that has probably been us blaming the other for “not doing” something. I’m so grateful we’ve taken the time to do this in December and my “working-on-it” list can’t help but include a note about wanting to strengthen our communication skills even more.

Loving my people…oh my…this journey will never end and will never leave my “working-on-it” list. I’m still very much learning what love is. I’m married with a baby and you would think I would have that mastered by now, but I honestly don’t. It’s still a weird and foreign concept to me in the depth and complexity of the word. I’ve read lots of scripture about love and books about love in relationships and love languages, and how-tos on loving family and while that has given some clarity I still feel like a beginner at love. I could write for ages on this topic and the journey I’ve been on specifically the last 4 years. But let’s just say I am always learning more about what love is, where I struggle with it and what it looks like to my people.

Patience…can I get an amen?! Oh wait…do you have patience all figured out? If you do, will you please share a little wisdom with me?? I a deep well of missing patience sometimes….or most every day…hmm…all the time. All the time. I deal with anger far more regularly then I would like and while I understand it is part of my personality type it’s deeply annoying…or rather, angering to feel with anger. I’m a go-go-go….let’s get stuff done…activator/achiever….type of person. So slowing down and having patience comes from a very deep deep part of me that I tap into only after I’ve moved my natural tendencies out of the way. Sometimes I can do that but most times I go to my default of impatience or frustration or anger and I shut down. I ruin so many moments in life that, instead, I could be letting go and savoring because anger is an issue. So I’m not adding this to my list to look like a better person, I am adding it to my list because I want to live life to the fullest and not get in my own way. I want to feel freed up to choose something else instead of allowing anger to be my gut response to all things that get in my way.

I could write lots more about all of these things but since I just watched the ball drop in New York, and we still have 3 1/2 hours more to go till midnight here in California, I’ll wrap this up and probably post it later :) and go be present with my family to ring in the new year and savor what 2017 brought….more on that later :)

….and indeed I did post later! Had to find some images :) Happy New Year, readers! Tell me what’s on your resolution or ‘working-on-it’ list ffor 2018?

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